Hi,
I guess I should post an update
Things are basically still the same. I am looking for a job right now, with no luck. I have been substitute teaching to make a little money, but it's not enough (or consistent) to support me and the kids. Hub's not going to take any action until I find a job. And I can't hire a lawyer until I have some money. Frankly, I am ready for him to go. He has been unbearably cold, snide, and even more distant than he already was prior to baptism.
He has informed me that he is going to try to get joint custody of our daughter. I don't really know what his chances of succeeding are, but I honestly don't see how it could be good for her. And from what I've read about joint custody, it's almost never given because it's rarely in "the best interest of the child," mainly because the child winds up being juggled back in forth in a 50/50 tug-of-war between the parents, and the child never feels like he/she has a home. It is generally only awarded to parents who can agree on everything regarding the child, as well (and I don't see this happening EVER, as this is one of our MAJOR issues). I really don't understand why he's doing it (well, actually I have a couple of ideas of why). I don't doubt that he loves her, I know he does, but surely he realizes that this would not be good for her. This child, if any child, needs stability. She was one of the main reasons I came back last time I left him. She would say she wanted to go "home." Our home is where her bed, her toys, her things, her life had always been. And he was there, and I wasn't. And when I left her there with him, she peed on herself. Even still, she would beg to go see daddy because he was at "home." And I'm not saying that she doesn't love him, I'm just saying that it is obvious that a child needs a place that they call "home," and they need the elements in place that make it their home. Whether she would have peed on herself had the tables been turned, and it had been me at "home" in place of dad, I can't say for sure; but she never wet herself when she was with me.
Another reason I can't understand is why he is insisting on this is because he can't even get home in time to spend any time with them now. He hardly sees her as it is. Does he think that his workload or his little JW cohorts are going back-off and stop expecting the same from him as he's giving them now, just because he has a child at home to take care of? What will he do with her on the nights he has to work as late as 3 a.m.? Or even the nights he works until 8-9 p.m. (which is almost every night except Tues and Thurs)?
Oddly though, he can get home just in time to eat a quick meal (usually around 6:30), have a quick bible study with the kids (his idea of "spending time with the kids"), and make his meetings on Tues and Thurs nite; but every other night of the week, he can't get in until around 8 or 9 (and the kids are already in bed)? His work hours are supposedly 8-5. Then he complains about never seeing the kids. Talk about screwed up priorities. He can make the effort to be home in time to attend meetings, but not to see his own kids? And he wants joint custody? Why? Vengence? Spite? Because he thinks he is entitled to it? Because he doesn't want to pay child-support? Because he truly loves her? All of the above? All of which are completely selfish and show no concern for her best interest, but rather his. He doesn't even spend time (or, IMHO, make an effort to) with them now. On weekends, he is gone all morning Sat and Sun until about 12:30/1:00, and then sometimes he goes back to work and works until nighttime. The time he does spend with them on weekends, he always has a tag-along friend (a-whole-nother story).
Sorry for the rant. This whole situation is b e y o n d insane.
I will try to keep things updated, but there will probably not be any progression until I find a job. Wish me luck...
Sadie
